Monday, March 23, 2009

Good parents, Bad results

One of the hardest parts to being a parent today is that so much is expected of us.  As a therapist I frequently see how people's lives are deeply impacted (sometimes quite screwed up) by the parent's behaviors.  To add to this we have specialists frequently coming out telling us that we are doing things wrong.  There is almost as many trends in parenting as there are in dieting.  I think after awhile parents become so overwhelmed they head straight for the cookie aisle.  

Well be that as it may, this article I found in U.S. News and World Report does have some good pointers as to where good parents fail.  I guess with anything it is easier to do a poor job than it is to do a good one.  Doing a good job takes patience, control and an eye on the end results.  Here's a list of the eight things that even good parents do poorly.  I know I need to work on a few myself (see #1 and #3).  How do you measure up?  
  1. Parents fail at setting limits.
  2. They're overprotective. 
  3. They nag.  Lecture.  Repeat.  Then yell.  (my personal favorite)
  4. They praise too much - And badly.  
  5. They punish too harshly.  
  6. They tell their child how to feel.  
  7. They put grades and SATs ahead of creativity.  
  8. They forget to have fun.  (this is one is not a struggle, see below)



Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. boydblahblahblahMarch 23, 2009 at 2:11 PM

    I probably fail on just about everyone.
    It is hard even when you want to do well.
    I think sometimes you just pick one thing and find one way to improve, work on it and then move to the next. Thanks for adding to my list

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elizabeth DavisMarch 24, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    As a brand new parent I'm doing good so far=) but I can see how these would be a struggle! It's interesting to me too that parents (at least mine) didn't have the same problems with the same children. for example my brother was punished more harshly than I was but my parents were excessively over protective of me. I've often wondered if it's a personality difference of me and my bro, or if just because of the gender differences. Honestly I'm leaning towards that my parents (all of them) dealt with me differently because of my gender. what up with that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. JessicaMarch 28, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    I like the pictures! I agree these are some common pitfalls which I'm sure, if I were a parent, I'd be falling into as well. However, I think Liz makes a good point. Parents tend to treat each child differently because of each child's personality, gender or what have you. Each parent also has their own personality and experiences which impacts their parenting, not to mention the dynamics of each parent-child relationship. Hmmm, I suddenly can't remember where I was going with this. Maybe just that parenting is very multidimensional and what works for one parent-child relationship may not for another.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)